Reasons “Pinocchio” is the worst movie ever

March 6, 2009 |
blog

–    “When You Wish Upon a Star”
–    Geppetto’s wish that a puppet would become a real boy.  What?
–    Creepy Blue Fairy
–    Cricket as conscience
–    “Give a Little Whistle”
–    Honest John (wicked fox).  MISLEADING.
–    Figaro (pet cat, unclothed, walks on all-4’s), and Gideon (mute cat, clothed, walks like a human).  INCONSISTENCY.
–    Cleo (flirtatious goldfish with long eyelashes).  AWKWARD.
–    “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee”
–    Pavarotti… I mean, Stromboli
–    “I’ve Got No Strings”
–    Puppet locked in a bird cage
–    A nose that grows with every lie.  A NOSE THAT GROWS WITH EVERY LIE.
–    Pleasure Island
–    Boys turned into donkeys for “behaving like jackasses”
–    Subsequent braying
–    Puppet swallowed by gigantic whale
–    Puppet sneezed out by gigantic whale
–    Puppet dies
–    Puppet brought back to life by the Blue Fairy as a reward for bravery
–    “When You Wish Upon a Star” reprise… because we didn’t get enough the first time around.

share:

tags: | | | | | | | | | |

20 Comments

  1. Greta on March 6, 2009 at 9:32 AM

    I still the scene when his friend turns into the donkey is one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever seen.

    That, and when ET is all white and sick down by the river.

    AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    Reply
  2. Rick Boyer on March 6, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    Thanks for posting the article, was certainly a great read!

    Reply
  3. stephanie on March 6, 2009 at 9:43 AM

    totally agree with greta! i actually got nightmares after watching this as a child because of the donkey part, and i haven’t been able to watch it since. and actually the whole thing is generally creepy. i love disney, but this is a big fat fail.

    Reply
  4. Randy on March 6, 2009 at 10:13 AM

    As I read through these, I realized that these are all of the reasons why I LOVE Pinocchio.

    Reply
  5. Emily from Seattle on March 6, 2009 at 10:15 AM

    I think the part of “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride” in Disneyland where you die in a car accident and go to hell is much worse than this movie. :) Especially since you never actually get out of hell…the ride just ENDS.

    Reply
  6. Sarah on March 6, 2009 at 11:15 AM

    I HATE Pinocchio. Thanks for contributing to my list of reasons why.

    Reply
  7. Little AP on March 6, 2009 at 11:40 AM

    ‘Flirtatious goldfish with long eyelashes. AKWARD.’ :) Great fun. Amazing article!

    Little Annie Parsons

    Reply
  8. Isaiah Kallman on March 6, 2009 at 12:11 PM

    I won’t argue your points since I haven’t seen Pinocchio in at least twenty years. But there’s no way it’s the WORST movie EVER. Reign of Fire? Lost Highway? Not to mention the seemingly endless parade of “arthouse” garbage.

    I’m trying to put things into perspective. Just chalk Pinocchio up to a lesson learned. And thanks for the warning.

    Reply
  9. becca on March 6, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    next, analyze alice in wonderland. the OTHER worst disney movie.

    Reply
  10. Tad on March 6, 2009 at 1:57 PM

    “Povarotti… I mean Stromboli” I love that.

    I’m gonna respectfully disagree that Pinocchio is the worst movie. Yes there were some scarry parts, but I rather liked the movie. I always felt for Geppetto. He wanted so badly to be a dad and couldn’t.

    The worst Disney movies ever are the stupid sequals that go straight to DVD (Aladdin pt 2,3; Peter Pan 2). Hercules was pretty aweful too.

    Reply
  11. kimberly on March 6, 2009 at 3:57 PM

    in complete agreement. I have discussions with friends about this on a regular basis. my favorite part is when he gets hammered. good morals.

    WORST MOVIE EVER.

    Reply
  12. Lyla on March 7, 2009 at 9:13 AM

    I don’t remember anything about that movie except that I thought it was BORING as I’ll get out.

    I also have the same reason for hating Bambi.

    Reply
  13. Matt on March 7, 2009 at 10:14 AM

    Thanks for conjuring up memories I had up to this point successfully repressed. If I end up in therapy I’m sending you a bill ;)

    Reply
  14. Bryn on March 7, 2009 at 10:32 AM

    Hey Annie,

    I kept waiting for you to mention the part where he’s warming his feet by the fire and ends up with black stumps! That was so disturbing….

    Reply
  15. annie on March 7, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    Although I actually love Pinocchio (my daughter used to call him Pokey Nokey ~ so cute!), I have to thank you for this post.

    Why?

    Because my husband and I have been having this ongoing argument about the word “bray.” He thinks it would make a great name for a baby boy. I tell him that it’s the word used to describe a donkey making noise! He doesn’t believe me. I’m showing him this post, so he sees that I didn’t make it up!

    Reply
  16. annie on March 7, 2009 at 11:41 AM

    Oh, and Emily from Seattle, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride is no longer in existence at Disneyland. It’s a Winnie the Pooh ride, now. Guess enough others must have agreed with you!

    Reply
  17. Emily from Seattle on March 9, 2009 at 9:07 AM

    Didn’t Winnie the Pooh replace the Country Bear attraction? I was just there in September, and I’m pretty sure I rode both Winnie the Pooh AND Mr. Toad. :)

    Reply
  18. Juliette Piwiec on March 9, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    I was terrified of this movie.
    don’t they start a campfire in the whale’s stomach?!
    ugggh! terrible.

    Reply
  19. annie on March 9, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    My bad. Pooh replaced Mr Toad at DisneyWORLD.

    Reply
  20. the handygraham on March 11, 2009 at 11:58 AM

    still not as bad as “Wild Wild West” with Will Smith.

    Reply

Leave a Comment