hootenannie

Some things have happened lately – some things that have left me feeling really lousy. Worse than lousy. I would say “shitty,” except then some people might get upset. So I’ll just leave it at lousy. What are these “things” that have happened? Well, take your pick – there’s a panoply. But I don’t want…

I am leaving a green house where marijuana is being grown. It is dark outside. I am by the ocean. All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, I am attacked by a bison. At first, I think it is a buffalo. But as I yell, “I am being attacked by a buffalo!” some unknown…

Him: “So you drive an old car?” Me: “She’s not old. She’s experienced.” – – – – – – – – Thanks, Matt Kirkland, for killing the magic. But in a most-awesome way.– – – – – – – – It doesn’t happen often. But when times are tough, I will occasionally wander over to…

I spend a lot of time in the past and in the future. I think back on how things once were, and I look ahead in anticipation of what might eventually come. It’s hard work to dwell in the present. I am often tempted to look at my “present” as being on a merry-go-round. Life…

I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to think about insurance, and a 401k, and heart disease, and my future. I don’t want to get creaky knees. I don’t want to learn how to cook a turkey. I don’t want to make hard decisions, and be the responsible one, and do my own…

Last night at church, I sang with the band. I was wearing my Kenneth Cole wedge sandals – which, incidentally, are very cute but not very comfortable – and thus towered over the other girl I was singing with. She was wearing flip-flops. I was so jealous. I get a lot of comments on my…

When I moved into my apartment in February, there was a strong, unprotected wireless signal for me to pick up on. But now, it’s broken. Broken like Shania’s heart. Twenty-four days ago, the signal disappeared, and so during the evenings and weekends, I have been left internet-less. This is probably a good thing. Having a…

Behold: the fruits of my internet labor, for your benefit! These are just a few of the many things I have run across as of late. Now, read and learn. Should I take a lemon wedge in my water? No. Make that a hell, no. What are some things that I might get someday? This,…

If you were to ask me what my idea of hell is, I would mention many things: citrus toothpaste. Windchimes and windsocks. Patent leather. Blisters. Cats. But oddly enough, the two biggest components that make up my idea of hell probably aren’t too far off: huge crowds, and hot hot heat. I experienced both this…

This summer, I am reaching a milestone: I have maintained a healthy weight for 5 years. Most people in my current everyday life did not know me between the years of 2000-2002, when I gained not the freshman 15, but literally, close to the freshman 50. I moved away from home, had access to a…