Honda

My deficit of sleep and surplus of emotion have left me with a raging case of stress acne.  Just in time for Christmas! This Christmas Eve morning finds me in Kansas City, having driven out of Nashville yesterday without crying a single tear.  Scrape a face off Mt. Rushmore to make room for mine –…

Last night I had a dream that Kenny Chesney and a completely bald Keith Urban wanted to hang out with me.  Actually, to be specific, Kenny asked if he could drive my car, and I was like, “CAN YOU EVER” – which is weird because I generally distrust men in necklaces. So Kenny, Keith, and…

I arrived home last night to 2 dead flies on my bedroom carpet, and one crawling on the wall above my closet. I killed it with my bible study book. Then, I discovered 4 more humongous, buzzy black flies in my bathroom. I shut them in there in hopes that when I woke up in…

Number of times my car has been towed: 1

I don’t really watch “The Biggest Loser,” although I have a couple of times – enough to remember Dan Evans. Dan Evans, of season 5. Dan Evans, who lost a heroic 136 lbs. Dan Evans, the aspiring country artist. Dan Evans, whose CD entitled “Goin’ All Out” is being released today. Dan Evans, whose mega…

After attending a church service on Sunday night, I offered to give a new friend a ride home. As we walked toward my car, she stopped. “Wait, this is YOUR car?” “Yes…?” I replied, hesitantly. “My roommate and I have seen you all over town! We’ve been wondering who you are. In fact, we were…

I am convinced that there are few feelings that can rival the thrill of crossing the border from eastern Oregon into western Idaho, where the speed limit leaps from 65 to 75. I accelerate, accelerate, accelerate, set the cruise control at 80, and FLY. As I drove across the farmland of southern Idaho this afternoon,…

Several nights ago, I dropped in on a local brewery. A friend (who will remain nameless to assure the preservation of his job) was working the nightshift, and invited me over to the east side for a free beer. After a 10pm tour of the facility, a quick nose-around in the gift shop, and a…

The Honda is on the fritz again. Recently, I walked out of my apartment to the sight of the tailpipe hanging precariously off of the muffler. One little tap of my toe, and the tip of the pipe went clattering to the asphalt, effectively circumcising my car. And here, all along I thought she was…

It hit me today: my car is old. Roughly 50% of girls born the same year as my car have already lost their virginity. 1990 doesn’t sound like it was all that long ago, but then I remember that in 1990, Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise” was at the top of the charts. I’m…