They read my mind

It’s a coffee maker! It’s a toaster! It’s a skillet! It’s… it’s heaven! I present to you the Elite Cuisine 3-in-1 Breakfast Cooker… apparently designed specifically for me.

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Words innocent pedestrians should never have to hear…

… from me, the driver, who, after the mayhem, felt it necessary to roll down the window, look into their terrified eyes, and offer, “I AM SO SORRY – that was absolutely MANIACAL.”

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The lonely talking

Living alone might be taking its toll on my brain. This morning, as I was getting ready to fry an egg, it slipped from my hand and into the recycling bin, landing with a soft thud. My response? Diving into the bin, sifting through the trash, pulling out the egg, and asking it, “Did you…

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