"Good Thing": a short script*

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[Overland Park, KS – 92 degrees outside. Annie, Micah, and Tyler in 1990 Honda Accord; A at wheel, M & T in matching side-by-side car seats on back seat. Cookie crumbs and juice boxes litter floorboards; car reeks of residual dog vomit. Vehicle idling at stoplight, next to large grey Buick.]

Micah: Whoa.

Annie: What?

Micah: That is a terrible nose.

[A turns her head to the right to see Old Woman in Buick: cropped silver hair, large sunglasses, elephantine schnoz.]

Annie: [stifling laugher] Micah, that’s not very nice.

Micah: [eyes wide, mouth agape] But… look… it’s huge.

[A stares straight ahead, laughter tugging at corners of her mouth, mulling over proper response. Knows she must simultaneously validate M’s observation, as well as use situation to teach about manners and benevolence.]

Annie: You’re right. It is a huge nose. But isn’t it great that God gave her a nose to smell with? And how else would she keep those sunglasses on her face?

[Silence.]

Annie: You can notice that she has a big nose, and think it in your head. But it’s never nice to tell someone that they have a big nose – it might hurt their feelings.

[Silence.]

Micah: [solemnly] Good thing the window was up.

Tyler: [grinning] Good fing!

[And scene.]

*May be acted out in the comfort of your own living room.

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1 Comment

  1. Lyla on October 7, 2007 at 11:12 PM

    LOL

    That reminds me of the time that Kyle and I were at Northgate Mall and we walked past this rather unfortunate looking baby. I said, “Look at the alien baby!” I thought I was being quiet enough, but the lady and the lady she was walking with both looked over and glared as we walked by.

    That’s when Kyle made the observation that I have 2 volumes: on and off.

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