Feeding faith, starving fear
This whole “chase your dreams” thing is scary business. In the span of one week, I don’t know that I have ever felt so uncomfortable, uncertain, afraid, lonely, or self-doubting. I am one who loves structure, and for things to be “set.” I want to know where the money is going to come from. I want to know what I’m doing tomorrow. I want to know how to get to Target.
And none of those things are true for me right now.
But when we’re isolated and scared and insecure, we have a choice: to fall apart, or to lean all of our weight on Jesus. This week, I have started praying a new prayer: that God would feed my faith and starve my fear.
Today, I passed on a great apartment in East Nashville – a big, comfortable abode that would have been a great place to live, but would have required me making a certain amount of money. I could make that money, too – but it might require me taking a job that would suck the life out of me.
I came to Nashville for a specific purpose: to sing harmonies and improve my writing. If those are the things that I want to do, then those are the things that I need to be pursuing… NOT a full-time corporate job that’s going to pay me the most money. Money would be nice. But it’s not why I’m here. And for me, to take a job simply because it pays well would be acting out of fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of insecurity, fear of everything falling apart. I do not want my life to be dictated by fear.
And so I wait, and I pray. I pray that I would not make decisions out of fear of insecurity, but that I would wait patiently for what is right. It’s so uncomfortable. But I trust that there is a life for me here, and that every detail will make itself clear in time.
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tags: Change | Fear | Hope | Nashville | The Living Big
YOU ARE SO INSPIRATIONAL.
I’ve been thinking about this fear issue myself. Unknowns and unpredictability are fear inducing! I may start praying that prayer myself.
Incidentally, this morning I was eating eggs and toast and I seriously considered putting the egg ON the toast. It’s only because of you.
I love being able to hear your stories – good and bad and ugly (can you say the teenager on the plane???)
But seriously Annie, hearing from you is so encouraging and incredibly uplifting. You play that guitar…Tommy?
I resonate so much with your prayer…and I’m going to hold on to the powerful image of fear being STARVED. LOVE that…because it’s really what fear deserves.
We MISS you and think of you often…
i think you’re my hero
i’m scared too :(
i want to come visit you whenever you get into your own place.
This is good stuff. Someone say, “This is good stuff!” (Alright, I won’t ever do that again…).
Thank you for listening to God. And being obedient. Your obedience seems to have a ‘trickle’ down effect. The beauty of the internet is that we can share our thoughts readily. Whether it be thoughts of God, or our fear of large spiders, you seem to radiate truth and life through your travels.(I feel i’ve said this to you before. forgive me.) Thank you, and God Bless….n stuff. :-)
Hi I saw a comment of yours on Beth’s blog. We do not know each other. I live in Nashville too. East Nashville to be exact, do you need a resource? I do not know much of your story, Peanut Butter?? lockhart777@yahoo.com Do you need housing?
hi annie, I will be praying for you. that’s a tough place to be in, sometimes God’s plan gets cloudy, or directs you in a sudden/unexpected turn. somehow in the end, we all see how everything that happened worked the way it was supposed to. keep on keeping on
hi annie, I will be praying for you. that’s a tough place to be in, sometimes God’s plan gets cloudy, or directs you in a sudden/unexpected turn. somehow in the end, we all see how everything that happened worked the way it was supposed to. keep on keeping on