Feeding faith, starving fear
This whole “chase your dreams” thing is scary business. In the span of one week, I don’t know that I have ever felt so uncomfortable, uncertain, afraid, lonely, or self-doubting. I am one who loves structure, and for things to be “set.” I want to know where the money is going to come from. I want to know what I’m doing tomorrow. I want to know how to get to Target.
And none of those things are true for me right now.
But when we’re isolated and scared and insecure, we have a choice: to fall apart, or to lean all of our weight on Jesus. This week, I have started praying a new prayer: that God would feed my faith and starve my fear.
Today, I passed on a great apartment in East Nashville – a big, comfortable abode that would have been a great place to live, but would have required me making a certain amount of money. I could make that money, too – but it might require me taking a job that would suck the life out of me.
I came to Nashville for a specific purpose: to sing harmonies and improve my writing. If those are the things that I want to do, then those are the things that I need to be pursuing… NOT a full-time corporate job that’s going to pay me the most money. Money would be nice. But it’s not why I’m here. And for me, to take a job simply because it pays well would be acting out of fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of insecurity, fear of everything falling apart. I do not want my life to be dictated by fear.
And so I wait, and I pray. I pray that I would not make decisions out of fear of insecurity, but that I would wait patiently for what is right. It’s so uncomfortable. But I trust that there is a life for me here, and that every detail will make itself clear in time.