Let’s pretend that there’s a girl. She’s a nice girl with a lot of friends, and at least moderately interesting. She has hobbies. She has a creative mind. Some might even find her pretty. She is independent, a la Kelly Clarkson and Destiny’s Child – a rent check in one hand and a glass of Pinot in the other.

She has been making her life spin on her own for a good long while now. And while she might like to meet a good man someday, in theory, she would rather be alone than wish that she was.

However, hypothetically speaking, let’s just say that out of curiosity, she decided to try online dating.

And hypothetically, she was matched with this man.

And while she is sure that he is a very nice person, in this make believe scenario, thus ended the completely theoretical experiment.



  1. Noell on June 30, 2010 at 8:49 AM

    I don’t understand. I mean, cool sword and he’s got great form.

    Ok, wait, clearly he doesn’t mow his yard enough. I see your point – lawn maintenance is important.

  2. Joel on June 30, 2010 at 8:59 AM

    WOW. I can’t believe you would have… hypothetically let THAT go!

  3. shannalee on June 30, 2010 at 9:00 AM

    So. Awesome.

  4. Eric on June 30, 2010 at 9:10 AM

    whoa! He’s doing the same pose as me in my photo! Guess I need to change to nun-chucks.

  5. Lauren on June 30, 2010 at 9:12 AM

    Dating is supposed to be an adventure, right? I can’t imagine you wouldn’t have had one with this dude! You could always tell him no swords until the second date!

  6. Shannon on June 30, 2010 at 9:17 AM

    HA! In my morning filled with poop filled diapers, toddlers singing loudly and a hungry newborn that won’t leave my boob – you TOTALLY cracked me up. Yeah. I’m still laughing.

    I love your hypothetical adventures. :)

  7. Sarah on June 30, 2010 at 9:20 AM

    Oh Annie, I love you and this post. That is a pretty sweet blue jumpsuit? or are those sweat pants?

    Hypothetically speaking of course, just imagine the stories that could be told about the date with this man.

  8. Laura on June 30, 2010 at 9:25 AM

    Are you sure that’s a guy? I thought I saw some boobs. Sorry to say boobs on your blog.

  9. Chelsea on June 30, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    There is a LOT to be said for a man that can protect his woman… this dude(?)’s obviously got some skills… Safety first… right?

  10. Adam on June 30, 2010 at 9:46 AM

    Sweet Moves!

    I too recently tried online dating and was immediatly matched with not one, but two ex-girlfriends. Talk about awkward!

  11. The Bug on June 30, 2010 at 10:09 AM

    My old boss met her husband through online dating. They’ve been married 5 years & have almost three year old twins. So it COULD work. Hypothetically. But maybe not with this guy.

    P.S. I just listened to that song the other day – you have such a lovely voice.

  12. Joey on June 30, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    If you won’t follow this man to the ends of the earth, then by golly I will.

  13. Little AP on June 30, 2010 at 10:24 AM

    I totally understand where you’re coming from here. I mean, what kind of ninja shows his face on the internet? What kind of ninja wears BLUE SWEATPANTS, dang it? Get me a real shadow warrior, and then we’ll talk.

  14. Alissa on June 30, 2010 at 10:25 AM

    I’m laughing too hard to come up with a witty reply. Awesome!

  15. Rebecca on June 30, 2010 at 10:39 AM

    A couple of weeks ago during a service project with some folks from Convergence (what used to be Tues Evening) I was pulling weeds with some gals and the conversation turned to internet dating. We each shared our worst profile/profile pic story and I learned that I should have been taking screen shots of the most craptastic and entertaining profiles to share. Oh my goodness! So thanks for sharing. Wow oh wow.

  16. Christina on June 30, 2010 at 10:50 AM


  17. Sarah Kate on June 30, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    Reason number 23432343 why online dating SUCKS! Except for those wonderful people for whom it works like my former classmate and former room mate.

  18. holly on June 30, 2010 at 12:44 PM

    are those hypothetical breasts?

  19. Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams on June 30, 2010 at 1:50 PM

    Oh MY! That’s all.

  20. Emily on June 30, 2010 at 1:54 PM

    Oh wow.

    I really wish I could have heard the conversation between the photographer and blue-manchu.

    “Oh man, this is great!”

    “The chicks are going to LOVE THIS!”

    GAH! Thanks for sharing!

  21. Terry McNichols on June 30, 2010 at 3:55 PM

    Please, hypothetically try again. We are heading to Atlanta tomorrow for a marriage that started out as an internet relationship. There are a lot of kooks out there, so beware, but hypothetically it’s not a bad way to go. I would marry you in a heartbeat, but OH, I’m already married and OH, I’m not a guy and OH, I’m really old. But otherwise, I think you’d make anyone a perfect match!

  22. becca on June 30, 2010 at 5:44 PM


  23. Greta on June 30, 2010 at 5:50 PM

    This makes my heart so happy.

  24. jessica on June 30, 2010 at 6:20 PM

    these comments are almost as funny as this hypotetical story. bless his heart.

  25. Mandy on June 30, 2010 at 9:30 PM

    I have not laughed that hard in many moons. I went into silent laugh mode rocking back and forth in my chair while reading this. I love you for this.

  26. Matt on June 30, 2010 at 11:59 PM


    I really hope that guy(?) just took that photo because he lost a bet or because someone double dog dared him to put on a giant blue onesie, wrap electrical tape around his waste, throw on his mom’s bra, and pose like a power ranger with a pirate sword.

    If it’s for real, and if this hypothetical site ever finds him a match we should all declare it the best dating service in the history of the human race.

  27. Carin on July 1, 2010 at 8:12 AM

    *spits out coffee*

  28. [not the] Best Blog Ever on July 1, 2010 at 12:13 PM


    Oh. My.





  29. ali on July 1, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    this made me laugh.
    and i needed that today.


  30. Lyla on July 1, 2010 at 11:32 PM

    HAHAHAHAHAH Wow. Now, I won’t say that Kyle isn’t a bit nerdy. He is a LOT nerdy, actually. However, at least he’s aware enough of the way girls work to hide his action figure collection until he figured it was safe and I wouldn’t run away. Very nearly 4 years after meeting on Craig’s List, we’re still together. You just have to sift through the SUPER weird weirdos to find the acceptably weird weirdos. ;)

  31. Ginger on July 8, 2010 at 1:32 PM

    HOW did I miss commenting on this the first time around?

    This puts Poem Boy to shame. This is amazing. Incredible. And also wonderful.

  32. hootenannie » Blog Archive » Still out there on April 14, 2011 at 7:52 AM

    […] I just found out that a Denver friend-who-shall-never-be-named was recently – hypothetically – matched with Sword Man. […]

  33. Sarah on November 3, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    My sister tried online dating in Denver. It also didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good ones out there – I have friends that have met online and stayed together. It’s not for me, though – I’m not much of a risk-taker. In person, the super weird guys can’t hide for long :).

  34. Hilary on September 4, 2015 at 9:43 AM

    Um…it looks like he has nice hair? Also, I am dying laughing!

  35. Carolyn on September 4, 2015 at 6:08 PM

    At least he doesn’t subscribe to three different chess magazines like the guy I went out with once from online dating. (Who even knew there WERE three separate chess magazines in the world?)

Leave a Comment