In terms of love


Is it better to have high expectations, or none at all?

You guys have come through with some excellent thoughts in the past – care to pipe up again?



  1. Kelley on September 27, 2010 at 9:17 AM

    I have never done well having no expectations… or is is hopeful anticipation? I find it easier to have high expectations/hopes than to simply have none at all. Is that how I deal with the current lack?

    I think it would be both a relief and sad to have none.


  2. FW on September 27, 2010 at 9:21 AM


    High expectations are pre-conceptions.

    It will come.

  3. Greta on September 27, 2010 at 9:30 AM

    I have great HOPE that it will be wonderful.

    But the who, the how, the where, the when, the outlines– all remain rather abstract and vague.

    But I have GREAT expectations the eventual story will be an excellent one. :)

  4. Greta on September 27, 2010 at 9:32 AM

    p.s. Therefore, in looking– I keep myself open to a variety of story “beginnings”– because maybe the beginning will be different than it’s been before, or unexpected… But if the beginning doesn’t begin to blossom in some sort of stirring way, I move on.

    Anyway, you know all this from me. :)

  5. Erin on September 27, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    Expectations, remembering that everyone is human.

  6. Shannalee on September 27, 2010 at 10:27 AM

    This is a question I’ve thought a lot about, in terms of relationships. Some people will tell you to set your expectations high! write a list of what you want in a mate! be picky! and others will say, Honey, look, you’re in your twenties, just find a man who likes you.

    But maybe it’s bigger than either of those two options. Maybe it’s not about high expectation or no expectations but rather about looking at the expectations of The Lover of my Soul for my future, for my relationships, for love. Maybe it’s about looking with faith-filled eyes to see all He has done and can do, both in my own heart and in the hearts of those I walk in relationship with. I like thinking of it from the Bigger Picture of the great plan He’s working because it reminds me that most of it isn’t up to me anyway.

  7. Danielly Nobile on September 27, 2010 at 2:23 PM

    I read your blog post earlier this morning and have been thinking about this question ever since.

    In my opinion, Shannalee is on the right path. High or low expectations will not determine whether or not a realationship will thrive. We are all humans. We are all broken. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and we are all bound to fail at love. So, it seems to me that our best option is to seek the Lord’s will. For many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

  8. Hope on September 27, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    i had really high standards.
    i did not enjoy dating people just to have something to do.
    i was looking for that person to do life with.
    i thought it’d be single forever.

    when tim and i started hanging out and delving into deeper conversations, it seemed like god had hit that magic “check all” button in the sky.

    i prayed for what i wanted, and i got exactly what i needed.

    keep ’em high.

  9. Dani on September 27, 2010 at 2:56 PM

    I think you absolutely must have expectations, if you mean them in the sense of hopes, standards and hell-no-you-better-treat-me-right attitude. Far too many girls put up with all kinds of crap during dating only to become bitchy and disillusioned after marriage, despite having had plenty of time to figure out what they were getting.

    You have to know what you want, what you need, and what the difference is between the two. You have to have enough hope and ideals to know what’s OK to give up and what’s not.

    You’re a girl. You have to think about it, and that’s completely and utterly OK. Think, hope and be honest with yourself. Expect an amazing adventure just around the bend.

  10. Joey on September 27, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Expect messy and awesome, like good nachos.

  11. Camille on September 27, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    I like what joey said.

  12. Laura on September 27, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    I believe in having expectations, but make sure they’re yours, not everyone elses. That’s the important thing.

  13. Janelle on September 27, 2010 at 7:52 PM

    Let God surprise you. Pray. And if you give Him a wrench, he’ll make it into a boomerang.

  14. Lindsey on September 27, 2010 at 9:06 PM

    I like all points, remembering brokenness and nacho-like interactions mean that we’re able to see that person for exactly the man that he is, no more, no less- and keep the longing for deep-like-molasses companionship for the only one who can provide it…but it’s far easier said than done, you know?

    Rather than strict high expectations, or strict so-so expectations, I know that I can expect that God’s timing and creativity and knowledge for what is good and what isn’t is far more than anything my tiny being can conjure, and I am thankful for that.

    I think at the end of the day, lots of prayer, lots of showing up, lots of making life brilliant with or without-it’s hard to go wrong.

  15. Erin on September 27, 2010 at 10:00 PM

    Both. Expect to only choose someone who treats you well and adds to your life. Expect nothing in terms of what form that will take… That goes for romantic love and friends & family kinda love.

    In the case of “love everyone”, I think it’s best to give what you can/want and not expect anything out of it. If you get something in return it’s a nice surprise…

  16. annie on September 28, 2010 at 4:23 PM

    I think it’s important to have a few high expectations. I know there are a number of things that you really cannot negotiate, right? But be open-minded about the rest!

  17. dn on September 28, 2010 at 6:26 PM

    Maybe I’m misunderstanding the question, but it doesn’t matter what your expectations are. When it hits, it hits.

  18. Muggs on September 29, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    Expect love. Thassit.

  19. […] Annie asked the other day if we should have high expectations in our quest for love – and I hold that yes, you must, but don’t ever settle for what you think the best will be – because when the best actually gets here, it’ll be way better. Like smelling my mom’s homemade bread for an hour as it bakes, and then getting to taste it, warm, soft and rustic, melting in my mouth – so much better than I could have imagined off of scent alone. […]

  20. Michelle Ferguson on October 1, 2010 at 1:30 PM

    I like what Greta said about keeping HOPE. I also think you can expect wonderful things from love, but I believe it’s better when you don’t expect love (or specifically the person you fall in love with) to be everything you might percieve yourself to be lacking.

    I eventually found a love better than anything my best romantic dreams could have mustered up, so it helps me believe this for other people as well :)

  21. Lyla on October 1, 2010 at 9:31 PM

    I agree with Joey.

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