Work it out
Last week, I met with Gunnar, the Viking trainer man. I had one free training session that was included with my gym membership – but wound up not signing up for the real deal, because I refuse to pay $50/hour to be tortured.
At one point, I said, “Gunnar, you are KILLING me.”
He replied, “No, Annie – I’m IMPROVING you.” Then he had me do squats so rapid and forceful, it looked like I was driving a stake into the ground with my ass.
He put me on one of those slanted sit-up racks – the ones where your head is lower than your hips, as if to prevent pre-term labor. Under those conditions, a single crunch would be difficult enough – but then he put a 25 pound weight on my chest and told me to sit up.
I held lunges and planks. I jumped onto a metal box over and over. I scissor-kicked. I swung dumb-bells into the air, knowing that one sweaty-palmed slip would result in the death of an innocent by-standing body-builder. In short, I did things that no self-respecting person would do in public.
When it was all said and done, my entire body was quivering. I was like a terrified stray dog, completely incapable of self-calming – barely able to stand up, let alone walk back to the desk to talk nutrition.
Gunnar told me that to reach my fitness goals, I could eat no more than 1400 calories a day.
“But… how many do YOU get to have?” I asked.
“4500,” he answered.
Then the Lord and I had a chat about the injustice of it all.
share:
1400 seems like a REALLY small amount of calories, especially if he assumed you’d be working out like that regularly…geez!
Way to survive the Viking trainer. ;)
What on earth are your fitness goals? Climb a 14’er every DAY? Run a half-marathon every week?? Walk 26 miles every afternoon instead of only 11???
You are one of the fittest people I know. So eat your wine and cheese and take Gunnar’s words (and torture) with a 4500-calorie grain of salt.
Injustice is right! John and I started doing the Body for Life work out and 4 weeks later I still wonder why we decided to do this to ourselves. As a matter of fact, just yesterday we were talking about how great it would be if we lived in a world where we could be naturally fit. John asked me if in this perfect world we could also eat whatever we want.
I would answer yes, but this perfect world doesn’t exist…sad.
!
Do you think his name is really Gunner, or do you suppose he changed it to sound more like a Viking Trainer? I wouldn’t put it past him – he sounds a little over-the-top.
I vote you try CrossFit. It has changed my fitness life. Seriously.
I second the crossfit! But it’s not much easier.
ha. Thanks for starting my morning off with a nice big belly laugh :)
Greta, I’m with you on this one!
Unjust.
“Then the Lord and I had a chat about the injustice of it all.”
Let me know if He replied… He’s still not giving me the answer I want to hear.
Holy jeez. I say stick to running. Maybe swimming?
I love that you asked Gunnar how much he gets to eat.
Also, I think you should know my friend has a golden retriever named Gunnar… so ha, Mr. 4,500 calories-a-day.
Gunner is a crazy person. Run….run away. and then have a donut.
Who on Earth has TIME to eat 4500 calories a day? Is his entire day filled with eating and exercising? “No time to pee, must eat more protein bars!!!” “Maybe if I can take Ambien I can sleep, walk, and eat all at one time!!!”
[…] you recall the time long ago that I worked out with Gunnar the Viking. Although I never paid for another personal training session, I’ve incorporated some of the moves […]