Work it out


Last week, I met with Gunnar, the Viking trainer man.  I had one free training session that was included with my gym membership – but wound up not signing up for the real deal, because I refuse to pay $50/hour to be tortured.

At one point, I said, “Gunnar, you are KILLING me.”

He replied, “No, Annie – I’m IMPROVING you.”  Then he had me do squats so rapid and forceful, it looked like I was driving a stake into the ground with my ass.

He put me on one of those slanted sit-up racks – the ones where your head is lower than your hips, as if to prevent pre-term labor.  Under those conditions, a single crunch would be difficult enough – but then he put a 25 pound weight on my chest and told me to sit up.

I held lunges and planks.  I jumped onto a metal box over and over.  I scissor-kicked.  I swung dumb-bells into the air, knowing that one sweaty-palmed slip would result in the death of an innocent by-standing body-builder.  In short, I did things that no self-respecting person would do in public.

When it was all said and done, my entire body was quivering.  I was like a terrified stray dog, completely incapable of self-calming – barely able to stand up, let alone walk back to the desk to talk nutrition.

Gunnar told me that to reach my fitness goals, I could eat no more than 1400 calories a day.

“But… how many do YOU get to have?” I asked.

“4500,” he answered.

Then the Lord and I had a chat about the injustice of it all.



  1. Jess on October 19, 2010 at 8:15 AM

    1400 seems like a REALLY small amount of calories, especially if he assumed you’d be working out like that regularly…geez!

    Way to survive the Viking trainer. ;)

  2. Greta on October 19, 2010 at 8:33 AM

    What on earth are your fitness goals? Climb a 14’er every DAY? Run a half-marathon every week?? Walk 26 miles every afternoon instead of only 11???

    You are one of the fittest people I know. So eat your wine and cheese and take Gunnar’s words (and torture) with a 4500-calorie grain of salt.

  3. Danielly Nobile on October 19, 2010 at 9:04 AM

    Injustice is right! John and I started doing the Body for Life work out and 4 weeks later I still wonder why we decided to do this to ourselves. As a matter of fact, just yesterday we were talking about how great it would be if we lived in a world where we could be naturally fit. John asked me if in this perfect world we could also eat whatever we want.

    I would answer yes, but this perfect world doesn’t exist…sad.

  4. Emily on October 19, 2010 at 9:04 AM

    Do you think his name is really Gunner, or do you suppose he changed it to sound more like a Viking Trainer? I wouldn’t put it past him – he sounds a little over-the-top.

    I vote you try CrossFit. It has changed my fitness life. Seriously.

  5. Erin on October 19, 2010 at 11:06 AM

    I second the crossfit! But it’s not much easier.

  6. Heather on October 19, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    ha. Thanks for starting my morning off with a nice big belly laugh :)

  7. mom on October 19, 2010 at 12:25 PM

    Greta, I’m with you on this one!

  8. Nikki on October 19, 2010 at 1:12 PM


  9. Deborah Barnett on October 19, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    “Then the Lord and I had a chat about the injustice of it all.”

    Let me know if He replied… He’s still not giving me the answer I want to hear.

  10. Nick on October 19, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    Holy jeez. I say stick to running. Maybe swimming?

  11. Riley McCormick on October 19, 2010 at 8:55 PM

    I love that you asked Gunnar how much he gets to eat.

    Also, I think you should know my friend has a golden retriever named Gunnar… so ha, Mr. 4,500 calories-a-day.

  12. Sharon on October 19, 2010 at 11:36 PM

    Gunner is a crazy person. Run….run away. and then have a donut.

  13. Lyla on November 2, 2010 at 3:04 AM

    Who on Earth has TIME to eat 4500 calories a day? Is his entire day filled with eating and exercising? “No time to pee, must eat more protein bars!!!” “Maybe if I can take Ambien I can sleep, walk, and eat all at one time!!!”

  14. […] you recall the time long ago that I worked out with Gunnar the Viking. Although I never paid for another personal training session, I’ve incorporated some of the moves […]

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