Oh, sigh.  Le blog.

Sometimes (a lot of times), I come to this space and watch the curser blink – blink – blink, just not knowing what to say.  These posts provide such a tiny glimpse into my reality, it’s hard to attempt to paint an accurate picture of what’s going on.  What you see here is a small window – what I don’t communicate far outweighs what I do.

I’m in a strange season right now.  One might argue that I’ve been in a “strange season” for almost 2 years – or almost 30.  I’ve been waiting for a change in the tides, a shift in the forecast – but it’s nowhere to be seen.  And so I walk and wait, and listen and ask, and hope to God that I feel some wind on my face soon.

But last Friday, I cried for the first time in a long time.  I was there on Greta’s couch, telling her honest words that have been stuffed down inside, finally feeling it so necessary, so vital, to just lay my fears bare.  She listened (something she is so good at), and asked questions (another skill of hers).  And then, she compared my life to a big room, and said that it seems I’ve relegated myself to a very, very small corner – that, having ruled out all other areas as “unsafe,” I’ve retreated to the perimeter.

And it’s true.  My back is to the wall – but at least it can’t get stabbed, right?

I’ve recently found myself stiff-arming friends and community in the name of self-protection.  I didn’t used to be this way – I’ve always been ultra-connected and involved with the people around me – but lately, it just hasn’t felt all that safe to let the walls down.

So I’m safe.  But I’m lonely.

In some ways, my life here in Denver looks very, very different than what I had hoped for.  But I don’t know that that’s anybody’s fault but mine.



  1. Callie on September 29, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    hey annie, i had a sneaking suspicion that there was way more to you than your blog let on ;) I am also someone who stiff-arms people who want to love me because i’m afraid to feel anything for them.. and i’m also afraid that I’ll let them down somehow. but God is slowly and very intentionally breaking me of that.. and it’s involving a lot of conflict and a lot forgiveness.. i don’t know if you can relate. i had to ask God to teach me how to forgive, because I had no idea that i had no idea how to.. anyway friend, be encouraged. I don’t think it’s your fault that you are in a corner.. you’re such a bright light. not surprising that you’ve been tricked into hiding..

  2. Greta on September 29, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    I read this blog and I think of this:
    There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    2 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    6 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    8 a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

    You are in a season. You will not always be in this season. And right now, in *this* time, this might be the season you need to be in.

    But if I know Annie Parons (and I do know Annie Parsons), you will find your way back to wide open spaces. You just have a knack for finding wide open spaces.

    And in whatever space you’re in– remember that you are abundantly loved.

  3. kendall on September 29, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    we’ll keep inviting you to shindigs though:)

  4. hootenannie » Blog Archive » Barns and such on September 30, 2011 at 8:06 AM

    […] Different […]

  5. AnnieBlogs on September 30, 2011 at 8:32 AM

    I love Greta. She’s so good at being Greta.

    Love you, Annie.

  6. Christina on September 30, 2011 at 8:44 AM

    What Greta said. So abundantly loved!

  7. kim on October 1, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    so, annie. although sometimes I feel like we are very much in the same place, right now I am in a corner but it is very different from yours. but you know what? you always cheer me up. even with stuff like this. you are either funny and awesome, or honest and real, and it’s then that you make me feel normal. like I’m not a total weirdo. and I know it’s just a little bit of you. but it makes all of me thankful for you. xo.

  8. Jessica Beecham on October 3, 2011 at 1:44 PM

    um, yeah. just gonna cut and paste this right into my diary. thanks. ;-)

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