Awkward
Adventures in Airports
A notorious over-packer, I recently flew back from a 2-day trip to Seattle with a suitcase weighing in at 49.5 lbs. – one shoe away from the overweight charge. And that’s not to mention anything of my second suitcase. Travel this weekend, I was determined, would be different. Flying to Kansas City on Friday night,…
Forever nerd
Emma is a very cool place with very cool people. But on Sunday, PZC asked me, “So, now that you work at Emma, are you going to be one of the effortlessly hip?” “Um… no, probably not.” “I know,” he replied.
The first three calls were funny
The first call came at 12:45am. “Hi, I’m wondering if you still have the cat mailbox?” Um, what? “The cat mailbox! I just saw the ad on Craigslist.” Excuse me? “Posted about a half hour ago – it’s darling.” Lady, it’s the middle of the night, and I have no idea what you’re talking about….
Salvation never tasted so good
Ever since I moved to Nashville a year ago, I’ve been an active attendee of a fantastic little church called City Church of East Nashville. When people ask me why I go there, I always think of two reasons: we sing the Doxology at the end of every service, and the communion bread is the…
I had to warn my mother that I was entitling this “My Rash”
Yesterday, I did a Google Image search for “shingles” – and trust me, Internet, that is not something that you want to do. I am not a hypochondriac, I promise. But I think I might have shingles. Yes, shingles: a form of HERPES. Julie, the soon-to-be nurse, checked out the small patch of – I…
The Temptress Chronicles: V
Co-worker: Have you reached 1,000 yet? Me: YES! A couple of days ago! Co-worker: Only 2,500 to go. Me: What…? Oh. I thought you were talking about Facebook friends. He was not. He was talking about stuffing envelopes. – – – – – – – – I helped decorate the lobby for Christmas yesterday, which…
A series of potentially awkward haiku
Searching high and low For one to keep me lifted I’m brassiere shopping White is so boring But practical and useful When it comes to bras No black negligee Or polka-dot straps for me Just a simple one Remember the time When my underwire popped up At the grocery store? My only white bra Is…
Whiplash
It couldn’t possibly have happened again. Twice in a matter of months? Well, my friends, what can I say: I defy the laws of fate and probability. Once again, I have an embarrassing moment featuring the check-out line and my bosom. I went to Target, and used one of the hand-held baskets to shop. I…
A very fragile ecosystem
It is truly embarrassing to hear the words, “Annie, please don’t blow your nose on our embossed napkins.” But today, this was my reality. A co-worker caught me with my face buried in a company napkin, and then politely requested that I use something other than their expensive serviette as a depository for my snot….
And next, we have “How to handle the clumsy…”
It’s time to talk about the hazards of the workplace. When I began my career as The Temptress, I was given an exhaustive Workplace Safety Training session, which included watching a VHS made in 1987 about proper lifting techniques and the operation of heavy machinery. As I was not planning on a job in a…