Bad

Back in December, a natural gas leak was discovered in the crawl space beneath my house. The inspector from Xcel told me that it wasn’t urgent, and that I could have it repaired at my leisure (pronounced “lehh-zhure” in my mind). So this past Friday, I finally had someone come take a look. He shut…

Ever had one of those weeks? Last Monday and Tuesday, I got four parking tickets in 24 hours. My license plates had expired at the end of March (news to me!), and before I could find an opening in my work schedule to hit the DMV, Denver’s parking patrol graced me. Four times. I have…

On Friday, I dropped my phone and shattered the screen, rendering it useless. Irony is contacting the police to tell them that if they in fact find my stolen vehicle, please don’t call me – call my sister instead. And then I asked, “By the way, any news?” And they said, “No.” On Friday night,…

Salutations, readers.  Did you think I had abandoned you? Oh please. I should begin by saying that the sickness has left my system – literally, and glory hallelujah.  The only person that knows the specifics of my Monday is my mom, and I’m uncomfortable with even her knowing.  It was… I can’t even go there. …

Last Thursday morning, I was in a car accident.  Don’t worry – the Honda’s fine – or, at least she will be after the other guy’s insurance pays for a new $750 bumper.  Do you know what this means?  I am losing my bumper stickers.  All of them.  No more “FRESH BEER.”  No more “VIVA…

I love beets.  I really, truly love them.  If I see them on a menu, I will choose beets over almost anything else. My least favorite color is blue.  I don’t hate it, I would just never pick it for anything.  If I were the captain of a kickball team, I would choose red first,…

My parents recently enrolled in a gym called Fitness 19, named such because it’s open 19 hours a day. Oh, Coloradans – you are so clever with your words! Due to her recent surgeries, Mom hasn’t been to Fitness 19 in awhile, leaving her membership card available to yours truly. My workouts on Saturday and…

I talk to people on the phone all day at work, walking them through various Computer Things.  Yesterday, while the customer’s internet connection was moving slowly and we were waiting for the page to pull up, she decided to make small talk.  She asked me if I’d seen the pictures of the coyote that got…

The benefit of being home sick is that I can stay home. The trade-off is the fact that I might throw up. I have not thrown up since age 14 – half a lifetime ago.  I’m so nervous.

We have a small crisis at the JAM house.  One of us (I’m not saying who) got some bug bites (I’m not saying where) that are now inflamed (I’m not saying how). (Okay, I am saying how.) Never put Nair over top of bug bites. I’ll let you do the math. Nair is an evil,…