Health

The Colorado air is dry. This parched feeling is all-pervasive, making itself known in every part of my body.  My skin is the Sahara, my eyeballs, sandpaper.  I smile, and my bottom lip splits like the back of Chris Farley’s coat.  My hands are cracking, my cuticles flaking.  I cannot drink enough water. Short from…

My parents recently enrolled in a gym called Fitness 19, named such because it’s open 19 hours a day. Oh, Coloradans – you are so clever with your words! Due to her recent surgeries, Mom hasn’t been to Fitness 19 in awhile, leaving her membership card available to yours truly. My workouts on Saturday and…

The cruise ship is a battle zone, and I am at war. I refuse to gain a pound a day. But this is proving to take some serious combat. I wake up each morning and put on my armor: a reasonable breakfast of one egg over easy, a small bowl of cereal, and an Americano. …

I did it.  And it was the worst best thing I’ve ever done. I have started this post at least a dozen times, and am having a hard time putting into words what happened on Saturday. I could tell you about waking up at 4:30am, and stressing out in a traffic jam on the way…

Yesterday, I threw away my scale. Just like that. Trashed. Into the dumpster. I am a compulsive weight-checker, always keeping tabs on my poundage, and consequently tempted to feel either good or bad, happy or sad, proud or ashamed, jubilant or angry. It’s amazing how a great day can be ruined by a number –…

Our bodies don’t always do what we want them to. This is terrifying. For as long as I can recall, I have carried tension and stress in my neck and shoulders. I remember being 6-years old and going to see a chiropractor – I was complaining about back pain in kindergarten. As I’ve gotten older…

I was in the dairy section of the grocery store last night when a crisis hit me like a rake to the face. Reaching for my usual quart of Dannon Light & Fit vanilla yogurt, I noticed three terrible words: “Great New Taste!” What. Why do they need to go changing my favorite yogurt? I…

This summer, I am reaching a milestone: I have maintained a healthy weight for 5 years. Most people in my current everyday life did not know me between the years of 2000-2002, when I gained not the freshman 15, but literally, close to the freshman 50. I moved away from home, had access to a…

It is truly embarrassing to hear the words, “Annie, please don’t blow your nose on our embossed napkins.” But today, this was my reality. A co-worker caught me with my face buried in a company napkin, and then politely requested that I use something other than their expensive serviette as a depository for my snot….

In the spirit of the ever-elusive hottness, I have decided that I have gone long enough without exercising. It is time to recommit. Never would I have guessed that this was going to be the last time I ever moved a muscle, but sadly, I have been confronted with the truth that deep down, in…