Quiet

The blog is sleeping.

Last night, Mel asked me, “How do you decide what to blog about?” And after thinking for a second, I said, “Well, I just sit quietly each morning and ask, ‘What do I have to say today?’ And then I write it down.” Some mornings, this is easy – my life is full of funny…

Keeping vigil with the Townes today. There are no words. I am clinging to the truth that no matter how deep our sorrow, God’s love is deeper still. And I’ve heard it said that grace always flows downhill: pooling in the deepest, darkest places of our pain. May the Townes feel that inexpressible peace that…

Some days, it’s easy to wake up and be excited about life. There are things happening. There’s stuff going on. There is a resolve, and a hope, and an expectation. There is the possibility that this might be the day that changes the rest of your life. But a lot of days feel like today….

My head is in a vice. I am so tired that coffee doesn’t even taste good. I stare blankly at the contents of my big red bag – wallet, calendar, book, chapstick, mail, sunglasses, gum – wondering what I should do. “You should balance your checkbook.” “I can’t.” “You should look at your to-do list.”…

I am particular. I am complicated. I am high-maintenance. I readily admit these things about myself. But in recent weeks, I have been reminded of these things by those closest to me. It doesn’t feel good. I become defensive and sensitive, and rapidly look for other things to distract me or fill me or cheer…

There have been times in my life when I have thought, “I wish I could get stuck on a desert island.” Don’t get me wrong – only for a month or two, and always with the assurance that a yacht would come pick me up on a certain day. I could have time and space…

The past week or so has been spent in relative solitude. I have been alone in my apartment for hours and hours (and, um, days) at a time, allowing the silence to overwhelm and consume me. As an introvert, the more time I spend alone, the more time I want to spend alone… and this…

Someday, I will have all 4 hubcaps for my Honda. Someday, I will not have to use milk crates as furniture. Someday, I will climb the cliffs of Cinque Terre. Someday, I will own a very grown-up chocolate brown couch. Someday, I will read the classics. Someday, I will have medical insurance. Someday, I will…

In the midst of the insanity that is my existence, I took a walk this afternoon. And as the sun shone down and I thought my many complicated and stressful thoughts, one thing kept popping into my head. Gratitude. Over and over, there are things to be grateful for. Despite uncertainty, despite my lack of…