Thoughts

UPDATE: Mom just emailed and said that I sound “edgy” today. I feel edgy. But not in a mean-spirited, “ding-dong, flaming sack of dog crap on your doorstep” kind of way. More of an “I’m about to drink an entire bottle of wine and go blow all my rent money at Anthropologie, so help me…

Sometimes, life feels really hard. Whether it’s tedious or tumultuous, uneventful or unrelenting, it’s difficult to keep focused on what I know to be true. I become distracted by my circumstances, and let whatever way I currently feel dictate my beliefs. I give up.I give in.I lose hope.I lay down.I stop trying. I once heard…

“Rule #1: when all else fails, follow instructions. And Rule #2: don’t be an asshole.” (Anne Lamott, Plan B)“It’s not a crime to be an asshole, but it’s very counter-productive.” (Hancock) – – – – – – – – I thrive on words. I read novels slowly and carefully, savoring the phrases, and underlining sentences…

I struggle with discontentment on a regular basis. Oh mercy, I fight it at every turn. I am convinced – convinced – that if I could do or get juuuust one more thing, then I would be happy. Throughout the years, my “one more thing” has taken different forms. When I was little, I wanted…

We’re all a mess. We’re all people in process. We’re all flawed, and lonely, and in our most vulnerable moments, very afraid. It doesn’t matter if you have money, or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship, or not. It doesn’t matter if you drive a nice car, or wear cool clothes, or…

I am particular. I am complicated. I am high-maintenance. I readily admit these things about myself. But in recent weeks, I have been reminded of these things by those closest to me. It doesn’t feel good. I become defensive and sensitive, and rapidly look for other things to distract me or fill me or cheer…

At the beginning of 2007, I had plans for my life. These dreams included a variety of comforts: relationships and love and meaning, income and stability, smiles and music and laughter. I dreamed of a tidy existence, from a job that I loved all the way to a front-loading, designer-color washer and dryer. I had…

There have been times in my life when I have thought, “I wish I could get stuck on a desert island.” Don’t get me wrong – only for a month or two, and always with the assurance that a yacht would come pick me up on a certain day. I could have time and space…

When I graduated from college, I had a party. I didn’t really expect it, but people brought me presents. Let this be a lesson to all of you slackers out there: don’t quit, because in the end, YOU TOO could be the recipient of a ceramic candle holder in the shape of a flip-flop. Actually,…

Someday, I will have all 4 hubcaps for my Honda. Someday, I will not have to use milk crates as furniture. Someday, I will climb the cliffs of Cinque Terre. Someday, I will own a very grown-up chocolate brown couch. Someday, I will read the classics. Someday, I will have medical insurance. Someday, I will…