A few weeks ago, I made an ill-advised decision: I was going to get bangs.

Never mind that my hair grows straight back, not forward, and naturally parts down the middle – very Alanis Morissette. I’ve spent years training it to part on the side, blow-drying the hell out of my cowlicks – but if I don’t deal with it immediately after taking a shower, my hair falls back into its natural “Jagged Little Pill” state. With this knowledge, I’m not sure why I thought that a high-maintenance cut was something I wanted –

Oh wait, yes I do. And it’s called CARLY RAE JEPSEN.

Come on.  That is the best hair I’ve ever seen. Oh, sure, as my co-workers reminded me – she is wearing PLENTY of extensions and volumizers in this picture, not to mention her hair was styled by a PROFESSIONAL. No matter – I was convinced that I, too, could be coifed like this every day.

I marched myself into the salon, and told the stylist that I wanted bangs. She hesitated – was I sure? Yes, I was sure. She inspected my hair – did I realize how much work it would take every morning to make it lay the way I wanted it to? Yes, I understood (but come on, it’s not going to take THAT much work).

The stylist told me that she wouldn’t give me bangs like Carly Rae Jepsen – but that she recommended a more “in between” style – TRAINING WHEEL BANGS, if you will. She would cut them short enough that I could start working them forward, but they’d still be long enough that I could pin them back if I wanted.

It wasn’t what I had in mind.  But then again, I hate conflict – and SHE was the one holding the shears. Half-heartedly, I agreed to it.

BAD. Bad, Annie. BAD BAD BAD.

Here is what I’ve learned about bangs: you’re either in or you’re out. Go big or go home. It’s all or nothing. Because when your bangs are too long to be bangs and too short to be tucked behind your ear, here is what happens:

Annie, meet your new strand.

This is three weeks after the initial cut, so we’ve obviously come a long way. But initially, my hair was in my eyes all of the live-long day, and resulted in me pinning them back for my 30th birthday party, which made me have UGLY HAIR for my 30th birthday party – one of the sadder things that has ever happened to me. Drama.

It still hangs in my eyes, and it’s still not long enough to tuck behind my ear completely – but a month from now, it will all be over. My “in between” bangs will be back to a reasonable, blessed length, and I’ll move on with my life, and never ask for bangs again.

Anyway, there you have it: the backstory for #14.



  1. Whitney on August 13, 2012 at 8:48 AM

    Bangs, man. I have a theory that if your hair can have great bangs, then that’s it, as in, the rest of your hair will never be sumptuously volumous – which is basically the bane of my bangs’ exsistence. I have fine enough hair to get CRJ bangs, but the rest of my hair would never, ever, ever look like hers. So, basically, I have the inverse of your problem.

    As the 2008 Harry Potter cut in my life taught me, sometimes, against all better judgement, you have to make that terrible hair decision, so that you will never ever make it again.

    Wishing you flowing, Liv Tyler locks for the rest of your bangless days.

  2. Alissa on August 13, 2012 at 10:21 AM

    I will admit, this post title had me wondering if perhaps you were referencing a Shaggy song. Oy! Bangs… for hair… much better.

  3. Sarah on August 13, 2012 at 3:54 PM

    Ah, I tried bangs… I let the stylist give me “side bangs” – they weren’t even. I got home and they HAD TO BE EVEN… so I evened them out, myself. Ha. I think I paid for that mistake for a good couple of years. Now, I just the cut where it’s longer in front and short in the back… then I never have to worry about waiting for the bangs to grow out, again.

  4. Michael on August 13, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    Oh, yeah…I see what you mean. Took me awhile, as I got lost in your eyes. Dang, girl…
    Anyway, yes, we have frequent discussions in our household regarding bangs. Frequent. Good luck!

  5. Emily on August 14, 2012 at 5:26 PM

    Annie, I am in the cowlick club. My very stubborn hair has a clear mind of its own. I always want big hair. And cool bangs. Alas, my hair is fine and nothing but straight. And refuses to sweep at any sort of interesting angle. If straight, mousy hair ever becomes all the hair-rage, I’m golden.

  6. Mary on August 16, 2012 at 3:47 PM

    Oh Annie! Sorry, but your stylist is crazy. “In Between Bangs” IS THE WORST PART ABOUT BANGS. You know me, I’ve had bangs of all shapes and sizes over the years; let’s be honest, I basically get Heidi Klum’s cut every time it changes. And every time, every GD time, about a month later, I curse them. Thankfully, I have dork glasses on which The Strands rest. I think you can rock bangs, just better ones. xo

  7. hootenannie » Blog Archive » Top 5s on September 3, 2012 at 8:21 PM

    […] “bangs” growing long enough to tuck behind my […]

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