Ridiculous
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
Let it go
This weekend, something that I wanted to work out didn’t work out, leaving me sad and disappointed. Then my bike seat broke. Then I tried to fix my bathtub drain, but realized I don’t have the right tools. Then several people told me, in various ways, that a dream that I’ve been working toward is…
SWF seeks That Person
The moment I opened the door, I knew. The air was different. I just knew. Throwing my purse and lunch bag to the couch, I made a beeline for her kennel, calling her name as I went. “Foxy? Foxy, are you okay?” I was sure of what I would find when I got to her,…
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
Unleashed
I live a block from a city park where Foxy has made a lot of dog friends. There’s a huge grassy area in the middle, and a lot of dog owners have taken to letting their pups off leash to run like banshees. The Fox loves it, and there’s no better way to tire her…
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
Annie Parsons, pure brawn
Arriving home after work last night, I opened the living room curtains to let in some light. There on the windowpane was a spider, which, obviously, is unacceptable. So I grabbed a flip-flop and swatted the glass. And the entire window shattered. I shattered my living room window with a flip-flop – because if there’s…
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
Trips, and trips
I am a notoriously horrible suitcase packer. If suitcase packing were a school, I would be the dunce. I always pack too little or too much, and never the right quantities of anything. I’ll pack running shoes, but no socks. A light shirt, but a black bra. No heels for dinners out, or no flats…
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
Miranda Sings
I have three favorite Mirandas. One is Seattle Miranda (who is actually now New York Miranda): sassy and styling, mother to two of the sweetest little boys, knows how to drive a stick shift and run in high heels and out-talk just about anyone. Her wit and wisdom are astounding, and her belief in me…
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
Mousetraps
When I was in high school, a traveling magician came to perform at my church. I can’t remember if he had some evangelical message that tied in with his magic show, or if he was simply a man trying to make a living turning tricks in front of anyone who would watch – but regardless,…
Bangin’
A few weeks ago, I made an ill-advised decision: I was going to get bangs. Never mind that my hair grows straight back, not forward, and naturally parts down the middle – very Alanis Morissette. I’ve spent years training it to part on the side, blow-drying the hell out of my cowlicks – but if…
Hips don’t lie
It’s clear from every wedding reception/bachelorette party/alcohol-fueled error of judgment that I am no dancer. I’ve got rhythm, but I’m all kinds of awkward in my own skin – and this is never more obvious than when I am called upon to drop it like it’s hot. But then there’s Zumba, the “Latin-based dance-fitness program”…
![](http://hootenannie.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/blog.jpg)
How to write a Nicholas Sparks novel
First, set the scene: waterside. Next, choose a random hobby – coin collecting, or stained glass windows, or composing music. This hobby will help create a narrative arc that will act as a metaphor for deeper emotional storylines. Now, take an unlikely couple. At first, they don’t like each other, because they’re just too different. …