Awkward

If you want to feel like a paranoid detective, vacillating between despair, outrage, and downright morbid terror, watch Broadchurch. Despite my glowing summation, I promise you it is the best show I’ve watched in ages. Season 1 is only eight episodes, and you will devour them like a half-starved bloodhound. (But seriously, a horrifying plot…

I met my friend Nicole several years ago at the wedding of mutual friends. We bonded over gin & tonics, and stuck close together since we didn’t know many other people there. In the four busy years since we met, we’ve managed to get together a few times a year for drinks and gossip –…

Fear not, loyal readers – despite last week’s ridiculous debacle, Foxy and I have not been nabbed by the Canine Gestapo. It probably helped that I was out of town for the second half of last week, far from the arm of Colorado law in a mystical land called Wisconsin. Actually, I was only in…

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I had a bangin’ strapless red dress, and I was so excited to wear it.  I pulled it on, looked in the mirror, and… was reminded that I had recently been tattooed.  Emblazoned across my chest were the words, “Where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly.”…

All of last year, I lived in the apartment above the most silent man of all time.  The only time I ever saw him was when he would stand outside his front door smoking cigarettes with his headphones in, avoiding my eye contact as I would pass him on my way to the third floor. …

On Saturday, I flew back to Colorado.  I’ll be with my family through Christmas, and then fly back to Nashville for another week – because apparently, I enjoy being a geographical ping-pong ball. I flew Southwest (like I always do), fell asleep the minute I boarded (like I always do), and slept for the first…

I’ll just cut to the chase: Southwest Airlines lost my luggage this weekend. [insert me telling you how this sent me for a minor emotional tailspin, and how I was sick as a dog, and almost broke down and gave up, but soldiered on – for the children, really, and for America] Flying from Nashville…

My parents recently enrolled in a gym called Fitness 19, named such because it’s open 19 hours a day. Oh, Coloradans – you are so clever with your words! Due to her recent surgeries, Mom hasn’t been to Fitness 19 in awhile, leaving her membership card available to yours truly. My workouts on Saturday and…

For the past several years, Thanksgiving has been the occasion of the Parsons’ Family Christmas Picture.  We usually get some great outtakes – but never so amazing as this. Does anyone know what’s happening here?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Because I have no recollection of this moment. But clearly, Swayze was wrong: SOMEBODY puts Baby in a…

I’ve got some big stuff going on – some changes afoot, some news to report.  All in good time, little ducklings. So instead, today, I bring you A Fake Interview With Myself. Fake… and yet… so real… Hi Annie. Oh hey, you! So nice to see you – you’re looking pretty awesome these days. Stop…