Gross

HERE IS THE BACKSTORY: Back in mid-June, I got pink eye — or if I want to sound older than a fourth grader, conjunctivitis. It was gross and ugly and uncomfortable and all of those things that you remember your childhood pink eye to be. I looked like I had been crying all the time,…

This morning, I set out to try to climb Humboldt Peak, the mountain that thwarted me last September. I’ll just go ahead and tell you that I didn’t make it to the top – because this is actually a story about something different. In the trail description, the guidebooks said that a high-clearance, 4WD vehicle…

The moment I opened the door, I knew. The air was different. I just knew. Throwing my purse and lunch bag to the couch, I made a beeline for her kennel, calling her name as I went. “Foxy? Foxy, are you okay?” I was sure of what I would find when I got to her,…

There are little bugs in my bathroom sink. They’re tiny, and they hop. I rinse them down the drain every day, and the next day, they’re back. Tonight, I came home to ants in the kitchen. Everywhere. This is bad, because REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD ANTS? In other gross news, I cracked open…

No, I’m serious. I’m warning you. Stop now, or forever hold your peace. We caught the mouse. And the screaming that ensued as Hannah and I disposed of it was the most obnoxious display of sissiness ever known to man. R.I.P. little buddy. But THAT’S NOT ALL. We caught a second mouse.  It looked exactly…

When I was in high school, a traveling magician came to perform at my church.  I can’t remember if he had some evangelical message that tied in with his magic show, or if he was simply a man trying to make a living turning tricks in front of anyone who would watch – but regardless,…

A few days ago, I took Toad on a walk around the block (as far as she can go). It’s good for her to have the illusion of adventure. On this particular stroll, she stopped to do her business; Becca calls these walks her “business trips.”  And because I am a responsible pet-owner, I had…

This time last year, I was seeing ants in my kitchen. I eventually discovered that they had raided my sugar bag, so I threw it out, and from that point on, I’ve kept my sugar in the freezer – and thus, an ant-free kitchen. But a few weeks ago, I saw an ant. And you…

I talk to people on the phone all day at work, walking them through various Computer Things.  Yesterday, while the customer’s internet connection was moving slowly and we were waiting for the page to pull up, she decided to make small talk.  She asked me if I’d seen the pictures of the coyote that got…

Last night, I had a horrific nightmare that I walked into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror – and my lips had a hard extra layer on them, almost black, like an avocado rind.  I had to peel them off – two big lip-shaped pieces – to get back to…